she smelled like a LAN party
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
