glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
