I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
