Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
