He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
