left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
