So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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