He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
