i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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