Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
