I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
