So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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