Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
