is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
