Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
