Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
