i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
