He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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