ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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