you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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