Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
