i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
