I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pooping to opera.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
