With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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