so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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