Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
