I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
