i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
