I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
