My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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