My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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