Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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