I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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