How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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