batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
