is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
