there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Randomize
