still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
