I faked an abortion last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
