the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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