The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
