I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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