There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
