# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
