no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need a beard to bite.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
