ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
