I have demons in me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ruined the universe
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
