If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
