I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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