In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
